All posts by aanteladda

Empty Nest

Mummy!

She could hear the cries. Again and again. Incessant. Every morning the same.

Mummy! Where did I keep my badge? Where is the belt! The bag. The bottle. The homework. The shoes. The laces. The shirt. The buttons. The thread on the buttons. The thread by which she was hanging…

She heard them now. Even after they had all gone. The birds had flown, they said. Empty nesters they said.

How will you survive, they asked. Won’t you miss them they wondered.

The questions never ended. The probes. The curiosity. Trying to get inside her head as if they paid rent to stay there and put nails on the walls. As if they even cared, they just wanted a little tour inside her head. She wondered why. Were they bored of their own? Maybe they just did not have enough interesting stuff going on inside their own heads, so they needed to visit others. Or maybe, they just had fun dropping by and messing around with other people’s heads.

Socialisation, she said. Socialising they called it. Visiting the insides of other’s homes, minds and heads, and leaving bits of themselves. Circulated bits, like unwanted gifts that do the rounds for years. Leaving a mark in every home, till after a while you cannot remember where it came from, only that it now was a part of your home. That cup, it was yours now. That notion, that the mummy was in service to the progeny, much like the chipped cup, a part of the household. The stale box of dry fruit biscuits, the one that no one wanted, but you had to finally one day. We consumed these beliefs like those biscuits – they were ours after all. We ingested them. Knowing we would feel slightly sick, but we could deal with it.

She remembered all those biscuits. The day she could not go for that job interview because her son was sick. No, there was nothing else to be done, she had to do what was right. So she swallowed that. Or the day she cancelled her … who remembers after all these years all those things that she had missed.

She missed them, of course. They lit up her life, they brought love and laughter. She brought some, and they rose together. That is why they were family.

And now they were gone. The house was quiet. So quiet that all she could hear were here memories.

“Mummy!”

“Where did I keep my green sash! Miss said you have to wear your sash on Fridays! Help!”

“Why don’t you look after your things, Priya! If you tidied up, everything would always be found. I’m sick of your things getting lost!”

“Mummy! Stop lecturing, and help me! I don’t have time for this mess”

“Exactly what I tell you! You don’t have time for this mess. What a stupid way to spend your time – hunting for stuff! Grow up, I won’t always be here to help you. You are on your own!”

“Mummy…!”

“Is it this one?”

“Yes!!!”
“At least say Thank you!”

“Thank you mummy, you are the best!!! Oh, and I won’t be home till evening – there’s an event. Bye!”

And so she had whirled away. Far far away. All of them had. It was only right and fair. Life moved on.

The house could be clean now, but she kept it a mess.

After all, it wasn’t an empty nest.

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There is plenty in the lack

Cottage Living. That’s what the comic strip called it, such a charming little piece in six panels. Of course it did not show the washing, and the scrubbing and the hard bits, but then I am old enough and experienced enough to take those in my stride. Most days it is as effortless as giving it to a machine. One powered by electricity or by myself.

There is charm in this tiny living. The place is small. Barely enough steps to teach a toddler how to count and you are out of the back door again. But it does have a back door, and that is already a bonus. It is simple, and pretty and the California sun shines through its windows all day long. The nights are gently chill, enough to make me wish that the fireplace was functional. I am not going to try it, for the house is old, but it has been refurbished by builders who are new – they may not have done it right.

I have everything that I need here, just enough and no more. The kitchen is tiny, and there is only one frying pan, but then who needs more than that? The same colander is used to wash my greens and to drain the pasta – and that is more than enough. The cutlery does not match, but my guests do not mind, and I don’t mind it if they do. I have one comfy chair, and one straightbacked chair, all thanks to people who move about so much – away from this university town in America. The experience is not disjointed, I am not culturally misplaced and there is no dissonance. There is only the simplicity of life, and an occasional smile exchanged with a stranger as both of us head for the milk table with our coffee cups – we are both there for the free wifi, we know.

Is this happiness? To be here, on my chair dragged into the sun, surrounded by plants that are gently nodding in the cool breeze. The sun is warm, I am toasty in minutes. I can smell the delicious warmth of my skin, soaking it all the way up to my cold heart. It may open up, and I am waiting.

It is a strange place, no doubt. A meal cost me more than a small sofa, and a month of internet costs me half that much. Things that last are sold at the same price as things that will be gone in a day. Maybe the day matters to them as much as eternity – maybe that is what it means to be a young country. Every town has it’s number, I now realise. London and Berkeley are at 15. Everything is 15 here, as a base – pounds or dollars. Here in America, they said that there is a premium for convenience. True. But more than that – there is a penalty for not having space. If you cannot buy in bulk, you will be charged more. Students and the poor pay more, and that does not seem fair. Fair is not a word I hear much here, except in this university town. Even here, I hear of reparations, of rights, of reaching out – but it’s about the fight, not about being fair.

But it is a nice life, if you are living it simply. The cottage life is easy. There are few friends, even fewer visitors. There is little space and even fewer things. There is nothing of the flotsam and jetsam of life that makes it complex. You wake up and switch on the kettle and coffee maker. As they bubble and brew reassuringly, you crack that egg on the sizzling pan. Done and wiped up in a few, the day opens it’s doors. The sun shines in, inviting you to life. You choose – the inward one or the outward play. Tired, you pause a few hours later. A slice of cheese, a small avocado salad and more coffee that has been waiting for you. The day slips by smoothly – the hike, the trek, the shop, the write – they are all tantalisingly close. Reach out. A meal, soft lights, gentle conversation, a dream or a story, and one is ready to drift off. Nothing ruffles the feathers, there is nowhere to flock.

There is plenty in the lack.

Working Mother

A precious little bundle, fragile and tender is handed to me. I have been carrying him for months, I know his moods already. What I do not know is the sheer physicality of the experience. And the surge to protect.

Having children does a lot to parents. It changes us in ways we had never seen, or known – then how could we expect it? It shows us deeper love than we have ever known to be possible, one that flows like a constant river, giving even if it does not receive. And that is joy.

Oh, not all joy of course – the first few years are madness, but then I would not have missed that madness for all the world. So what if there were a few sleepless nights and toes stubbed on lego pieces in the hallway. (When I say a few, I do mean a few years – not just days and nights). It is a crazy time when the workplace seems to be an escape to normality. At least the old normal. Because the new normal changes everyday. You learn to deal with the unexpected – and how does one delegate that? It tears you apart, you would not forgive yourself if the unexpected horrible thing suddenly happened to your little one.

I cannot forget the time I get a call on the way back home from work. “I did not want to disturb you at work, but there is a letter from the nursery saying that the child was exposed to a serious meningitis case. They have said something about antibiotics.” Panic. Meningitis.in.babies.can.kill. I know the case they are referring to – there was a girl, both parents doctors. She contracted it and was gone in four hours. They could do nothing. I did not know she had attended my son’s nursery that week. But she had. And he was at risk.

I looked at my watch. It was seven minutes to six. My doctor’s surgery (that is what they call a clinic in England) was shutting as I was looking at the ticking hands of the clock. The letter had arrived at lunchtime. My son only did half the day at the nursery. I hear of it now. I have no idea how he is, whether I can breathe or not. I disconnect rudely. Call up the doctor. Try to keep calm as I speak, or how will they understand me? I cannot speak, but I must – there is urgency in my voice, panic breaking through. Would they even have the antibiotic? Would they keep the surgery open for me? Can I get him there in time? Why was I not there to take the letter? Why did I even let the child out of the house? Focus.. Focus. Injection. Co-ordinate. Ensure next steps. Don’t worry about breathing or bags or other silly material things.

I do not remember the next few minutes. I do not remember how we got to the moment when the right liquid was being injected into the little one. It was in, the doctors were kind. (Remember, this was the NHS, they could have been bureaucratic. Remember, this was the NHS – the treatment was free at the point of use). I could breathe, but must be watchful. I was given a bunch of brochures. I read them diligently. And much more online later, as the tiny little thing slept next to me. I watched him as I had watched him newborn.

The constant refrain. I should have been there. I should not have been at work. He would not be at risk if I had been there to take decisions. Four hours without the antibiotics. Anything could have happened. Anything still could.

I was watching for blood poisoning.

I could not delegate this to anyone else. Took the day off work the next day. A jangle of nerves by then, but steeled, for I must be the one to make it right.

Sure enough, by the next afternoon, they came. The rashes. I did the glass test. All parents must know the glass test, everyone must. If the rashes don’t change colour when pressed – and you can see if they do through a transparent glass – then there is trouble. A normal rash will go white when pressed, a dangerous rash would not.

This one did not.

I took a deep breath. I am glad I did, because it would be hours before I would allow myself another one. Called the ambulance. I did not know what was ahead. The ambulance crew was sympathetic. They understood. They had taken that other little girl to hospital, with the doctor parents. I did not want to hear this. I did not want to hear anything but that sentence – “It looks fine now, nothing to worry about. You can go home safely now”. It would be a few hours before I heard it. Thankfully I did. He had the rash, the meningitis had touched him and gone. The antibiotics had just been in time. Just. A close shave. I still cry when I remember, I am crying now.

Parenting shows you how vulnerable you are. Parenting shows you your insecurities. Parenting is about fighting your fears. And losing often.

It also makes you do things you thought you’d never get around to doing. I learnt to drive, because you never know when you need to dash to hospital. I learnt to swim, to be able to play and laugh with the little one. I learnt not to be afraid of smaller pay cheques and freelance fees. I learnt that I was not my job title or the network of CEOs and presidents I met with in my work-day life. I was me, and I was the shine in the eyes of my child.

I did try, and worked, and learnt, and led and built businesses for others. My job was exciting. I was building a business school in a completely different model. They were an offshoot of a community college, they were showing a pathway to the corporate ladder even if you had skipped school or lost your way. Bright young and old people joined in to become chartered accountants in a few years or climb the HR ladder and more. It was the brave new world of skilling, and I was leading a charge. How could I resist, I knew I was good at building things that had just been started.

But the child’s school ended at noon, and this job needed me to be at work till 10pm at least half the time. Every mother faces this, so did I. There was the usual barrage of – “millions of women work and use childcare, why can’t you?”, “you are lucky that you earn enough to afford childcare”, “Our local council is so supportive and this is such a nice area – surely you will find something good”, “there are so many options if you look” and so on. But all I could see were the newspaper reports of childminders locking up and starving their wards, or worse. The good news stories were either not plentiful or were not news. What did I know – I just could not find them. I spoke to other mothers, and none had a good first hand tale to tell. Their neighbours who used to look after their child for two hours after school (before the parent came back from work) would not feed their child. The childminder used to leave the children alone at home and go to the shops. The nursery – of course would not keep children after 6pm, every five minutes cost a huge penalty and I heard tales of a child once left with the janitor for the parent to pick up. These were stories – surely that could not have happened… but what is a mother to do?

Other than take each day at a time.

Parenting teaches you myopia. You plan for the next three minutes, for the next week, or at best till the next annual holiday. Beyond that, you know that all your visioning and forecasting is going to come to naught. Because here come dependents. I never quite figured out who was the dependent here, but in a sense we all were – the family.

There will be many tales told of jobs juggled, of childcare sorrows, of days the baby is unwell. There are stories that make you laugh – later – when they are done. Remember the moment when you were making a presentation and the projector lit up the burp patch on your shoulder? We all learnt to wear shades of beige. Remember when it was time to feed, and the meeting just would not end? We learnt to wear breast pads. We learnt of the sorority of motherhood, and another world opened up for us. The in-between world of jugglers.

We mothers lived in a twilight zone. (Maybe fathers did too, but I did not know enough to speak of them. There were many who cared, who shared). The twilight zone had track-pants and cushiony sofas with a sleepy baby perched on us with a bag of chips to hand. It was a piece of heaven. Sometimes it was softness and lace and fragranced bedrooms with a gentle light on the little ones – the days the cleaner had been. But the twilight zone was not a place you could linger in at all. There be doors. And each led to a different stage. Enter, stage-door left – and you were in your heels, clicking away importantly at nation building, or doing the accounts – both important to your business. Stage door right let to the perfectly coiffed and muffined mommy meet – over glasses of champagne in the evenings when you connected in ways so new, and yet so familiar. Another, a birthday party. Oh – will they not allow gelatin or gluten? Fine – in my stride I take this too. Did someone say roller coaster? Sure, except you have no idea whether you are stepping into – the one with teacups or the Space Mountain ride. It made us better workers in many ways. I still don’t yawn in long conferences, I still smile when pulling an all-nighter for work. Other doors would open up unexpectedly, and you had to be ready for them all. You were mommy, you could take it all.

We learnt to be nimble.

Parenthood teaches you to be prepared for everything. Remember that mountaineering gear that you carried with you when the children were small? Yup, that’s when it began. You have no idea what you might need, be prepared – or it might be a crisis. I still write my presentations like that and it is tough weaning myself away from it. I will have an extra 60 slides – just in case. Those who see the process are lost (yup, never ever see a sausage being made) because they cannot see that I am planning for all doors from the twilight zone. It stands one in good stead, this being prepared. It has costs too – and we live with those regrets everyday.

Who here has not had that discussion about parents being given time off for looking after sick children whereas those without children have to pick up the load. Who has not retaliated with ‘choice’ and not had a pleasurable half an hour discussing this threadbare before it was time to go back to those wearisome deadlines. A parent of course often did not join these discussions because they had to work feverishly, sometimes skipping their lunch break to be able to meet their quota of work before their ‘flexi’time arrangements kicked in and they had to leave an hour before the rest so that they could make the school pick up deadline.

It was a myth, you know, this part time work.

You sign up for a three day or four day workweek, but you do the same job that others do in a week. It is just that you get paid half of what the others are paid. We work because we are good at it, we are there because we can work it. The job is us, wholeheartedly and there are parts that cannot wait or cannot be delegated. We care about getting it right. So we put in hours that we have not even signed up for when we negotiated the deal. Was that poor negotiation? Maybe. It is easy to be insecure and on the defensive when you live in the zone of many doors. You know that there are few more roller coasters ahead. As my grandmother in law is famously known to have said, and said it often, “This is not called fear, this is called caution”.

We learnt to operate with caution.

Research reports that women understate their abilities compared to men. They will not even apply for jobs unless they are wholly convinced it can be done. Men, it seems, will apply even if they are 60-70% sure that they can do it. I wonder – and I must look at the datasets. Where were the mothers, I wonder. I learnt this from being a mother. Because there is no 70% in being a mother. A child has to be picked up on time, all the time. 100%. A child has to be fed, 100% of the time. You deliver 100% on everything. You don’t leave it to the client/boss/child to decide whether you are suited for the job. Nope – you are there, in the spot. You make it happen.

We learnt to work anywhere.

We learnt to be device agnostic. To not care about ‘working conditions’. Or where we were. We learnt to write presentation when cheering for games. To send work emails from the hairdressers. Radio interviews done in cars, negotiations conducted in cinema hall foyers. We were anytime, anywhere, working mommas. Yo. Sure, there are many of us. We all work whenever we can. Together or alone, we hold up the wall.

We learnt to deal with crumbling walls.

Each time it was built, the experienced ones amongst us knew that something would give soon. And the mad scramble to prop it up would begin again. A child would fall ill. Another, from a perfect family – would start stealing – unexpectedly. The childcare arrangements would collapse. A parent would need attention. Something. Some of us became anxious parents, some utterly calm. Multiple crises over years does that to you. It changes you. Parenthood, you see – makes you what you thought you’d never be – and no, I am not going to acknowledge that I have become my mother. Though that would be nice too. She held, still holds many walls up – work and home. She too had the same choices – and fears. You cannot outsource parenting, even as you outsource the repetitive chores of parenting.

You learn over the years to let go, bit by bit.

You must, for they have to fly on their own and be safe. You learn to hold the reins a little more lightly as the years go by, though every crash puts you back in the driver’s seat. You learn to be the spider at the centre of the web you organise – making pathways, nudging with finesse. An occasional tumble. You manage. Dusting your knees, as you pick yourself up again in full public view, you learn humility again. And again. You fall, and rise – but you keep everyone safe.

That is what matters at the end of each day. Keeping us safe. Every decision is based on this for a working mother. Careers are balanced not on ambition and guilt, nor on pressures from peers or traditional self images, even though all of them have their influence. Of all the things that can contribute to the decision to stay in the workplace and climb the ladder at the pace of their potential, there is this – the most basic of all – that can make it or break it. Safety. If the career is an inconvenience to one’s children, family, tribe or community, then one finds ways to negotiate and resolve. If the career seems to affect the emotional or physical safety of our children, we as mothers must respond.

Each time I receive a call from the clinic at school, I thank the powers that be for allowing me the freedom to go rushing off when I am needed. Broken bones or fevers, you need someone who cares. Even if you pat the child with one hand and type with the other, it helps to be there. I have not always been there, sometimes projects called me away to other towns. Remotely managing a stapled hand is an exercise in hell. Nod, if as a parent you too have been fuming on a bunch of phones in an office or hotel room far away as someone else handles the emergency. You know they will miss the real questions, they will be asking questions to which you already know the answers – time is of the essence – comfort and heal the child, please. I have not been there for many prizes and plays, the child has played his music for strangers, but that does not trouble me as much as those moments when I (or his dad) should have been there to keep him safe, to make him well. Not all of us have the luxury of responding to the call. Some cannot because of their circumstances. For many of us the response is clear. I must be there for what I have made. The choice was mine, so the responsibility is mine.

It does hurt, you know, to walk away from all that you have built at work. Emotional and economic. It is a loss. Knowing that you have done it before, and may have to do it again. Wishing that there was a smarter way of keeping the shows on the road, smoothly, with no disruption to anyone. Knowing how tough it is to build again from the middle. We break too, as we take a work break. We walk away and worse, see it handed over to another for them to claim as their own. (Am I saying the work is another child? Maybe I am – in a way). But even as you watch it go, you know there is more ahead.

You learn. You learn to relearn.

You learn to rebuild. From the skill-sets of academic life and real life, from the battles in the board room and the nursery rooms. From the negotiations at the dining table and the ones in the conference room. You grow your skills. You learn to be indefatigable and formidable. You are here to get the job done, and you have more things to do. There is a force here, and it will build and grow. Like her or not. She has rebuilt herself many times over. She will relearn. She knows her weaknesses better than you can, you cannot hurt her there. She knows her strengths even better and uses them with practiced ease. There comes this time when the back to work mommy rises again. This time not in the image of her male colleagues but her own person, born to win.

What of the lost years?

Could she not have done this before? Without all the angst, the drama, the fear? Sure, if you could ensure that things worked all the time and everybody would be safe. In the workplace and outside it – and now we enter the realm of policy. Safe cities, support systems needs to be a policy pledge. Corporate policies must adapt to talent. I am tempted to blame academics who defined corporate strategies and structures in linear terms. Success mantras were borrowed from armies designed to kill and conquer – not to nourish and grow. Emphasis on grand strategic wars in business-land missed out on much progress in gentler spaces. All leaders know that their job is not just to create grand visions and sweeping change but also to nurture the everyday. They have inherited linear structures based on simplified theories. Life, sirs, is neither linear nor simple. It is a rich kaleidoscope where the landscape changes every minute, you need to respond. To be nimble. To manage the change. To leap from one crisis to another. To learn to relearn. To work anywhere. To rebuild your crumbling walls. Sorry – do I repeat myself? Have I just said this right above?

Consider this a call to rethink structures to respond to life, not theory. Tinkering at the edges of this change has told you that it works. Embrace the complexity – we have the tools. And the skills. Globally, it is time for the next stage of evolution of work.

The future of work clearly has to be more inclusive. In every sense of the term, and one more. For me, that means including the family in my workspace too. If they take some work time away, they save me plenty – printing, sorting files, researching, editing and sharing in the joy of work done well. We grow up together, professionally and personally, and I am sure future employers would not object to trained interns coming their way soon.

The Last Laugh

At the risk of being either very popular, or very unpopular, I have to admit, it is a joy watching Modi play the crowd. He has a keen sense of the buttons to press, and which ones are sensitive, and which useless to his game. This goes beyond his spatial awareness, he has the rare quality of emotional spatial awareness, and that too at scale. There are innumerable examples.

Let us take his very finely tuned remark on the ‘cackling’ laughter in parliament. As an impartial outsider, one knows that give and take within parliament across party lines can be very sharp, often hurtful in the most civilised of countries. Or pretentious ones. In other countries, fights are not uncommon. To laugh mockingly, and to repartee is all par for the course. But to do it and hit several goals with just one sentence is an art, and here we see it in its highest form at play.

The context does not matter, since the giving and taking would have happened in any context. What happened was that a seasoned parliamentarian, Renuka Choudhary, currently in opposition, laughed loudly at something the Prime Minister said. When admonished by the chair, she did not need to respond, for the Prime Minister graciously asked the chair to let her continue, as he had not heard such laughter since the Ramayan.

Oh Modiji, when you are good, you are very good.

In one smooth move, he pulled together the entire sweep of the BJP’s successes in the past. Aligned all behind the sacred word Ramayan. Not just that, in a rare stroke for this party and its supporters, he cracked an in joke! This was the remit of left-liberal-intellectuals, and look, how he showed them that he could play them at their own game. One needed to know the Ramayan to know who he was referring to – and yet left enough ambiguity in it to allow his supporters room to play. Denial, demurral and other such cat and mouse games, for once, it was the religious who were able to gain the upper hand. And did they have fun.

The feminists of course, had to rise. If not as one. Modi’s feminist credentials are debatable, as are those of most men in power today. His schemes support women’s education, his cabinet has very powerful women and he is not afraid of women talent and power when it supports his causes. He does not exclude women, nor does he seek them, which is fair in my book. Yet, his party and supporters have consistently been denigrating of women which has riled – hopefully – everyone, not just women. Outrageous statements have been tolerated. This jibe too, was like the fine Indian game of kabaddi. It touched the line and raced away, thus gaining points and staying safe. Just a mention of laughter and the Ramayan, and no more.

In the Ramayana, the story of an ideal king, essentially illustrating ideal behaviours in specific roles, there are few occasions were there is laughter, especially in adulthood. The ‘bhadralok’ (see what I did there?) do not laugh, they smile gently. Control, including self control being one of the themes of the book(Valmiki version, let us say. Not that the party or the country demonstrates much self control, but then Ram Rajya is a distant utopia, not here and not now. Laugher is seen as uncontrolled, thus represents evil, or the asura tendency. The most famous laughter is that of Shroopnakaha, the asura sister of Ravan who was assaulted by Lakshman (Rama’s brother) as he chopped off her nose and ears in response to her sexual aggressiveness. This – is as retold and reinterpreted. (Yup, don’t outrage, we were not there. All we have is interpretations)

In any case, laugher was allocated to the ‘other’ side in the Ramayana. As in the tale of all victors, the other is bad. I will not even dare to do more than mention the intersectionality of gender and caste/level issues that emerge here – there is much literature on that. Laughter, in the text, is an act of othering. Just like in racism, mocking a behaviour creates a line between sides, often leading to aggression, mocking laughter is used as such an othering device, and eventually builds the narrative to war. Modi, with impeccable timing, used this laughter to remind us of this, and emphasise his declaration of war on the ‘other party’, in this case via elections expected soon. It is no coincidence that the language of elections used colloquially often is the language of war. Now, the bugle has been sounded, and a classic milestone in the narrative towards the battle has been achieved. Laughter, or mocking across battle lines always starts the face-off.

The laughter of women in Hindu mythological literature has always been seen as an act of unwarranted aggression, and has been a milestone towards war in both the Ramayana and the Mahabharata, where it was Draupadi’s laughter that angered Duryodhana. Women thus, seen as overly aggressive, as the cause of war, but surprisingly this is not seen as power. They are the blame holders in the narratives, for failing to rein themselves. For women must always be seen in restraint.

All of this, the discourse and the chatterati were triggered by this one remark. Now, I too join them, but I am enjoying myself hugely in exploring the ideas and understanding the reactions. Modi’s masterstroke was in deflecting the chatterati from the mega defence contract conversation that his opposition were trying to lead, and he was trying to avoid. This, the throwing of a pebble into the shallows has achieved exactly what he needed.

How much better can it be, a seemingly impromptu remark, the gleeful support of those who had scattered but now return to the rally, the riling of those who annoy him with their pretentious superiority and serious issues of both gender and war sidelined as the ripples inevitably settle. I believe, in this round, it is Modi who laughs last.

(Standard Disclaimers: This is my personal blog. It is not my professional space. Look at the tagline: Pretentious, unending gab. Look at the name: Aantel-adda. This is fun)

Counterpoint: https://wordpress.com/post/thepointofatangent.wordpress.com/793

The Arrogance of Ignorance

Go to the profile of meeta sengupta
meeta sengupta
Jan 27
The Arrogance of Ignorance
There is the ignorance of those who know, because they have worked hard at knowing the world. Maybe even peeked over the parapet, dizzying as it can be for first timers.

Then, there is the ignorance of those who do not know, because all they wanted to know was their world. It was only their world view that was important, and the rest of ‘them’ would have to fall in line. This is what was demonstrated by the now infamous French journalist who asked the celebrated Nigerian (I will not call her American today) author Chimananda Adichie if there were libraries in Nigeria. The breathtaking audacity of the question only served to highlight the unwillingness of the Frenchman to look beyond his little parapet. A frog in the well indeed.

I would apologise for the pun, but for the fact that it actually illustrates the point I am making. The cliche of a frenchman as a ‘frog’ reminds us that the English too, and so many others have used the arrogance of ignorance for the purpose of ‘othering’ their interlocutors.

There I go again, a newsy reference to Shashi Tharoor’s use of the word ‘interlocutors’ which has a very precise meaning but caused him to be ‘othered’ by the ignorant who were arrogant about their ignorance. It is the purpose of a language, of words to have meanings that convey a precise visual and emotion to the reader. To be ignorant of that is no matter of pride, but has always been the source of arrogance. Because ignorance combined with power begets this arrogance.

The Arrogance of ignorance is a force, a storm that blows often through the history of mankind. A species that prides itself in surviving because it is smarter, sentient and has the ability to progress based on cumulative knowledge, a people that pride themselves on the ability to think, feel, imagine and then respond is now facing a similar storm. It has led to great destruction, witnessed by the library and Alexandria amongst many others. The Dark Ages came upon us led by these storms.

The Arrogance of Ignorance was a fundamental tenet of colonialism too. The ‘Jewel in the Crown’ of the British Empire had a long and rich history of Empires that came and went, most of them originating in its own soil. The ‘Akhand Bharat’ idea postulates that all the land between Iran and Australia was India at some point of time in history. The ebb and fall of conquerers and empire builders was part of its history. Then came the Company Bahadur, and that too slowly adapted, like other attackers into the rich and comfortable cultural soil. Mulched, they too would have become a part of that soil. But a Colonising force could not allow that to happen — and thus was fostered wilful Ignorance and this was given the cloak of Arrogance. The denial of all that was good in the ‘native’ was intended to declare the aggressors superior. The ‘burden of the white man’ was born of this intent, to bring the morally affected into the fold of this force. Arrogance of Ignorance was the source of power, and it lasted centuries.

The rise of ‘common sense’ is to welcomed, but not when it comes at the cost of sensibility, and indeed of expertise and erudition. We progress on wisdom and knowledge, and this is not a simple aggregation of ‘common sense’, but a complicated architecture of opposing forces designed for good. Imagine it as a brick building. There is a difference between a single tower of simple bricks laid one upon the other and the grand brick architecture of the Bishnupur temples or the Grand Duomo of Florence. The single brick upon brick structure is also building, common sense tells us. But till the bricks were put together in intelligent juxtaposition of opposing forces, we do not arrive at anything that is either useful or beautiful. The wisdom of opposing forces brings us to greater heights of achievement, even literally.

The Arrogance of Ignorance will continue to ignore truths that are above their current capacities. How much easier is it to be lazy and strong, to not work hard to figure out complex stuff like architecture. Look we have bricks and stones, let us throw them! It is fun and we get to win! Some of us are bewildered, as we find ourselves in the middle of such stone throwing parties. This is not a world that we want to recognise, but if we don’t, we too would be giving in to the Arrogance of Ignorance. We have evidence of the Brexit vote, of the American election and so much more to tell us that the common prevails now, and wields power. Do not underestimate the power of this Arrogance. It is purely rational, self serving and solid. And predatory.

It would serve us well to be prepared for this storm that is heralded by the Arrogance of Ignorance. It has brought dark times in the past. It may do so again. It is ironical that those who refute Darwinianism (thus implicitly dumping the idea of linked up thinking and chains of evidence) also prove to us that it still holds true. For those of us who consider intellectualism and imagination a virtue, heed Darwin’s theory of adaptation in order to survive these times. Historically too, the wise have adopted many guises in times when the arrogance of ignorance held power. Courts have had their jesters and fools, the only ones permitted to speak truth, for who could take a fool for more. If we let the Arrogance of Ignorance prevail, then we should welcome again the Age of the Fool.

View story at Medium.com

View story at Medium.com

PostScript

Someone said this was the Dunning Krueger effect. Not quite. That is about stupidity. I am talking about a wilful choice to ignore or work away from getting to know complex things better. The smartest people choose this path to power.

LazyChef Goes Keto

I know!!!

I know!!!

A diet. What am I thinking!

They promised me cakes, and fat and proteins.

And magical stuff like it would reverse memory loss and cancer and of course obesity.
Small print says maybe.

But now I’m starting this. So sharing the stuff I’m planning to make. And making.

It’s actually quite easy.

And no, one doesn’t feel hungry at all though eating very very little.

It’s the fat, people.

Hmm. Is this a bit like poison to kill poison? Coz I’m still wondering how eating fat will make me less fat.
Ya ya, Ketones I know.

Drink water, y’all. Recipes marked Keto.

A few Home Truths about History

1. Your history was not as perfect as you think

2. Your history was never documented accurately, so no one will ever know the truth

3. Of what was known, a lot could not be reconciled – your history is full of contradictions

4. Your history is not what was taught to you.

5. They will continue to discover new things about history – and re-interpreting it. Each lens that looks at the same facts will do so in a different manner.

6. History evolves, and it depends upon many many things.

7. History has always been a tool to manipulate the emotional gullible.

8. History, as taught, history as written, history as retold, and history as believed are all different animals in the jungle of influence.

9. History is written by the victors, is re-told by the losers, is embellished by storytellers and is believed by the simple.

10. There is no right and wrong in the past. Just like today, there are people, powers, interests, survival, greed, ideologies and resources. Nothing and no one ever really wins or loses. It doesn’t really matter. They were all people.

11. Any wins in the past (zero, chola empire, nasal surgery, gravitation) are all commendable and must be remembered but if they have not continued to evolve and grow, then all they are is stories. A culture, history and tradition of science and progress is useful only if it has been sustained. It’s value today is to encourage freedom and endeavour.

12. History’s job is to stop stupidity in the future.

13. One cannot dwell in the past. However you remember it. Neither in victimhood, nor in glory.

14. Unfinished battles of the past belong there – in the past. They were done then. Do not fight in the name of the past because it will cost you your future.

Unless you are using and manipulating the stories of the past to build your future. Then do it, knowing that it is a low game that uses the good in others for your own good.

15. History is usable as the storehouse of emotions – watch out for yours.

The Story Teller

Imagine the hostile lands around the Silk Route, a road that connected many countries. There was work to be obtained along that route, because the route sustained trade, which made money. There were caravan makers, and camel traders, and silk merchants of course, but also cooks, and washermen and clothiers. There were bandits and protectors who worked the long caravans that traveled together for safety. The terrain was often harsh, icy deserts, sharp climbs and immense flat sands, the only consolation coming in the cities that were far flung. Villages could feed but a part of the caravan, the steppes were good for hunting sometimes but not always.

The people of the silk road were often hungry and very tired. There was fortune to be made on the road, both good and bad. Some days were good, and workers got paid their wages, and traders sold their wares. Other days were bad, if the wind swept away your cargo, or it fell down a hill side. A desert storm could destroy much, as could the robbers – there was plenty of the bad as well as the good. There were days of hunger and becalm.

But in the middle of it all, was the relief of the story teller. The story teller turned up uninvited, for who would not want to hear a story. A small coin from each and some food and drink, the storyteller was always welcome.

He would tell tales of great kings, and their brave deeds. Of princesses and their beauty. Of ministers and their magic. Of traders and their adventures. He soared above what was real, and his audience soared with him. The aches and pains of the journey, the sorrows of loss melted away in the hearing, the joy of gains was raised manifold. The night passed in ease, with the comfort of the fire and the company, the storyteller lulling us all to dream of a better time and place.

When the fires dimmed, and the embers remained, the story teller was satisfied. He was paid, and fed. He had enough drink to warm his belly. He had spread some joy, eased some pain and helped them all to another day.

The storyteller was always welcome, as he went on his way.

Teacher’s Day Salaams

“It’s not about my, or my passion for education”, I blushed. “It’s about the students, the teachers, who are on the frontline of this battle day in and day out.”

I sounded like the cliche our education system had become. I used to write essays like this at school. And then helped my son and my nephews with those. Great King? Write about his land reforms, he built roads, dug wells and did great things to get justice for the poor. Climate Change? Write about land erosion, tree roots, ecosystem, microclimates, ozone layer and extremes of temperature. We knew our ‘seven points for five marks’ formulae. Everything was a formula. Running a classroom session? There’s a standard method to that. Teacher’s Day? Write an essay.

So I did. To reflect.

There is no one standard formula for quality education at scale for a nation as large as India. And as each year, September 5, Teacher’s Day comes as a day of celebration, and of reflection. The road ahead is long and troubled, true. But the road traversed was no mean feat indeed. India, today, stands at the brink of success. We can do it, in one great push, all together. It is time for India’s Educational Dunkirk.

The good news first? We have so many metaphorical boats ready to reach out in the education sector. Today, on teacher’s day, I want to salute these navigators, who kept themselves afloat and reached out to do so much good in the land of teaching and learning.

I salute those teachers who landed up at school everyday, professional and perfect, holding fort and ensuring that nothing stops the journey of education. They too must have had tough days, but they did not give up. Some commute for hours to get to school, some fight battles at home to get to the classrooms, and some fight inner demons to control themselves to stand and deliver in the classroom. My first salaam to them.

I salute those school heads who hold things steady so that teachers can build real learning for their students. Those who lead from the front and take the risk of saying, “Let’s try this”, and when it works, celebrate the moment of happiness with their schools. To these great leaders goes my second salaam.

Then, I salute those who work in education for less pay than they would get in the world outside – the volunteers, the NGOs, the interns, the researchers and so many more who dig deep into their well of resources to give to every learner they meet on the road to good. Some are teachers who are not rich, but will buy school books for their students, some are people who will go deep into the jungles and set up village schools, some are professionals who set up help centres to encourage more to follow in their footsteps, and some are students themselves who reach out to other students. Each giving a part of themselves, for we are in it together. We raise the tide for us all. My third salaam goes to them.

But more than these, I salute the silent warriors of education. The people who quietly teach one or two students each year in their neighbourhood and charge nothing. The ones who quietly create class notes and put them online for all to share. The ones who stop on the way, even when their lives are so rushed, and share a bit of their learning with those who need it. And do it for no credit and for no money. These quiet soldiers are the ones who create magic – and my deepest salaam is theirs.

They are the ones who build the fabric of the future. When times are tough, I think of them and I am inspired again. When stories of cheating in exams, of plagiarism in reports, of teachers that beat students, of sexual assault in schools, of university shut downs and falling standards hits the stands, then I think of these – the recipients of the four salaams – and I know, it will be fine. For every corrupt soul who lets greed and laziness create ignorance and stupidity in the country, there is another who is lighting the lamp of critical thinking, of debate, of curiosity and of personal growth.

This is why my last salaam today goes to teachers who are learners, and to learners who are teachers. Not just within the classroom but to each one of us who converts a moment into a learning moment. To the everyday people who devote time to tutor a needy learner around them. To the quiet free tuition classes, reading rooms and libraries for the neighbour hood.

But equally, to to the everyday inquisitiveness of the aunty who wants to know your salary, and the uncle who wants to know how much rent you pay, to the random person who knows where you are going on a train or a bus – and to all of them who join in to tell you of a better way. To all the teachers within them, a salaam. A salaam to those who will join in the public debate on which route is better, whether it is about getting to a place or a career. And one to those who will walk on past their destination, because they are curious to see what is next. Another to those who will jugaaad their way to the goal, regardless of the means, and then to their neighbour who will tell him how useless his quest is – competing quietly and so encouraging each other to do better. To each of us who learns, so that we can tell each other how much better we are than them, another salaam.

Our quirks make us who we are, and who we are at our core is a nation of teachers, (Let me tell you what to do…) in one way or another. Here’s to the learners within the teachers, who learn indefatigably, so that we can all tell each other how it should be done. And so we all learn and grow together, in our own Indian way.

Assessment, Moderation and Boards

Part 1: Fundamental Fix

“To have one examination determine a future pathway for a generation of youth is folly akin to forcing them to put all their eggs in one basket”

The Class 12 Examination of the various boards are one such hurdle. They have been since living memory, and thus, it seems they will continue. Each student is bound to a particular board by the school they sign up to – and there is no other way. One could of course step out of the schooling system and go the NIOS way, but then, very few in India take the results of that board seriously. Already, even before we have begun talking about these – we are hit by the fact that all boards are not created equal.

Nor do they need to be. But they do need to be able to calibrate on equivalent examinations.

For a student, there is no greater prison than to be beholden to one exam, one board, and one set of criteria for success.

My appeal is to the Universities to expand their range of requirements, my appeal to the MHRD is to allow students to take multiple exams across boards, and/or, start a series of professional exams at the level of Class 12 that are voluntary, inexpensive and accessible nationally such as the SATs and other certification exams. Each subject could be a separate specialist examination board, or each industry… these are discussions going forward. These break the monopoly of specific exams, and are more inclusive – lifelong learners can join in anytime and upgrade their basic qualifications. Let each student have more chances at success.

The current situation must never be repeated – and from this should emerge some policy level changes. (1) One needs a national level examination designed professionally to be able to calibrate the various papers and examinations. At this time there is no data that allows the standard statistical tools of adjustment across various boards to be applied. The statistics and the tools exist, and are relatively easy. The data is not there. (2) All Senior Secondary Boards must be asked to declare their methodology for aligning the level of questions, their marking schemes and their moderation policies. Most boards globally do this so that there is informed participation in an examination. (3) The various boards need to build transparency in their goals, and in their redressal mechanisms. Finally (4) Build a free flow of information and learning in assessment sciences – the current education boards have some excellent faculty and knowledge in the area that is not visible to the direct consumers of their work. This is unfair to both sides and must be fixed.

There are other suggestions that will improve the Senior Secondary Exams, but these are basic – and we must make a start.

Part II:

Assessment and Moderation

(i) Tweet collation
(ii) Principles of Assessment
(iii) Principles of moderation
(iv) Governance

Part III:

Policy Reform Opportunity